EXCLUSIVE: Was Gawker victim of an elaborate hoax? Good. We hate them

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Everything is connected to Twitter. It's complicated, but true
Everything is connected to Twitter. It’s complicated, but true

We at GotNewsDotCom are overjoyed that our arch-enemies at Gawker apparently fell for an elaborate hoax.

We’re laughing so hard, we can’t even type. Wait a minute.

OK. Here’s the basic story.

Gawker allegedly helped an anonymous source, “Ryan,” tell a cock-and-bull story about how he was going to have gay sex with the married, straight David Geithner, CFO of Condé Nast.

According to “Ryan,” Geithner chickened out and wouldn’t help “Ryan” with his Housing & Urban Development (HUD) problems, so “Ryan” declined to go to Chicago to have sex with Geithner. Then, he spilled the beans to Gawker.

It’s a crock.

As, in, I, think, this, whole ,story, is an elaborate hoax to fool and humiliate Gawker, who I hate because they printed stuff about me. Did I mention I’m using them for libel? You want to know that as you read the rest of this post.

Geithner has denied even knowing this “Ryan” guy or exchanging texts with him.

When we called a number associated with “Ryan,” whose real name is apparently Derek Truitt, the person quickly hung up on us. We’re not sure who the person is, but we figure it’s “Ryan,” because it makes the story so much better.

Then we sent him a series of text messages to coax him into talking to us.

Instead, he went off on some way-out-there conspiracy theories.

GNDC: Are you the guy conning David Geithner and Gawker? We want to know.
Him: We?
GNDC: The company I work with.
Him: Company?
GNDC: GotNews — the one with the burning zeppelin image
Him: Hold on a second. {ASIDE: Hey, Joe. I got a live one here!}
GNDC: We want to know the truth and make you look good. {ASIDE: Heheheheh.} Are you Ryan from the Gawker article?
Him: I have some national news that’s way more important than this guy Geithner, whoever he is, or you are. Maybe you can shed some light on this true injustice.
Him: Russia caused 9/11 and the crash of 08. It’s part of a proxy war between Russia and the USA. The Mideast, Ukraine, ice hockey, everywhere!
Him: Did u know the founder of the KGB was born on 9/11/1877? And Khrushchev died on 9/11.
[Sends a shitload of links to different webistes]
Him: Read these and I’ll send u more
GNDC: OK. hang on a sec
Him: I’ve got more
GNDC: We just wanna know if youre Ryan.
Him: German wings. MH17. MH370. That train derailment in Philadelphia
Him: U said it was a black no a gay no a guy on drugs that caused it. Nope. The Russians
[Another shit-ton of links]
GNDC: Are you Ryan, for god’s sake?
Him: Chinese. Russians. Putin. The KGB

ANALYSISIS:
He’s (or they’re) either for real, or batshit crazy, or it’s totally a hoax, or it’s a Russian troll, or we got the wrong guy, but the last one can’t be right, because we’re never wrong. Except for that one time. And the other.

I think the entire thing is retaliation for the hit piece that Gawker wrote about Reddit earlier today. It’s all about ethics in game journalism.

This is also why you should arrange all of your anonymous gay sex hook ups on Wickr. Don’t ask me how I know, but I used to live in West Hollywood and that’s what I heard.

P.S. I don’t know why GotNewsDotCom seems to have better track record exposing dick pics of nefarious actors, or Amtrak engineers, but there you have it. We’ve got a talent. After all, Andrew Breitbart pbuh made a career out of congressional cock so I guess it’s in keeping with his legacy.

That came out sort of funny.

P.P.S If Twitter hadn’t censored me I would have broken this motherfucker wide open sooner. Because I can’t do jackshit without Twitter, although my sockpuppet friend @RonReaganLives is helping a lot. Fuck you, Jack Dorsey and DeRay McKesson, and all you libtrolls and SJWs out there.

P.P.P.S. Go fuck yourself, Nick Denton. And your blackety-black-black husband too.

But really, I just want to get to the truth. And humiliate Gawker. Did I mention I’m suing them for libel? Those bastards.

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