ANALYSISIS: In defense of the #BundyMilitia and stuff about forest fires

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Source: Wikimedia Commons
This forest fire was caused by the federal government. Trust me!
GotNwes offers another insightful version of the latest rambling screed from Award Winning Journalist™, land use expert and forest fire prevention specialist Chuck C. Johnson.

One hundred and fifty citizens — or it could be 15 — including several — or maybe two — members of the Bundy family, have occupied the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge headquarters somewhere in eastern Oregon.

We’re not really too sure, since no one has sent us money to dispatch a reporter and a photographer there. And we’ll be damned if we’re going to East of Nowhere Oregon, because we’re in San Francisco now. So, we’re basing this analysis on our top-notch research on Google and Facebook and keen high IQ ability to make shit up on the fly.

Here’s a quote from Ammon Bundy, the leader of the group, via a Facebook post.

“We’re going to be freeing these lands up, and getting ranchers back to ranching, getting the loggers back to logging, getting the miners back to mining, instead of them cooking up schemes to take over federal installations in the dead of winter,” he said (sort of). “They need to do it under the protection of the people and not be afraid of this tyranny (aka fees) that’s been set upon them by the federal government which actually represents the people, but whatever. You know what I mean.

“Also, please send us snacks. And TP. Captain Moroni forgot to pack it,” Bundy added.

One of the first things I learned when I moved out West — to California, thank god not eastern Oregon — is how much of the land is owned by the federal government, which is us, but you know what I mean. It’s a lot. Really a lot.

Over 53% of the state of Oregon is owned by the federal government (which is us, etc.). The federal government (which is us, etc.) “does not next nothing” [ED. That’s a direct quote.] to manage the forests and so the forests get overgrown and catch on fire and destroy property and scare off the wildlife and make smoke and kill Bambi’s mom.

Forest fires are stupid, too, because they don’t know what land is owned by the feds (us, that is) and what are owned by Oregonianians. Net effect? No more logging jobs. I mean, it’s obvious, right?

It’s all the fault of the federal government!! (Which is us, but whatevs. You know what I mean.) Oh, and the spotted owls — the ones that didn’t already get flame broiled by the fires they set.

This is the context for the occupation of the federal building in East of Nowhere, Oregon. FIRE!! This restrictive land policy — the part where the feds do nothing to manage the forests — gets seemingly more restrictive all the time, especially as environazis control how much water and land can be used. This increases the price of land somehow — the details are lost on us — and harms the middle class. And Bambi.

Workers unite!! Overthrow the landlords!!

Oh, wait.

Some people blame global warming on these forest fires, but it’s really a policy of lack of forest management. And lightning. And matches.

When ranchers try to protect their own land and graze their cattle on federal lands by cutting down fences and setting forest fires, the feds throw them in jail. Imagine that. Tyranny!

They got five years in prison. After a jury trial. And an appeal. And they showed up to serve their time. It’s tyranny!!

Storm the Bastille! Failing that, take over a closed bird sanctuary!

Indeed the federal goverment (which is us, but you know …) owns approxmimately 85% of the land in Nevada (because who else would want it?), 69% of the land in Alaska (where it’s frozen) and 57% of the land in Utah. This land was intended for the citizens of the state to develop — it’s written in the Bible or the Book of Mormon or something — not to become the preserves of the rich and powerful, who can go camping in the national parks anytime they like.

I am so jealous.

And now I’ll throw in a random paragraph about Eric Holder, who’s black and no longer the US Attorney General, but once occupied a building himself at Columbia University so there’s some connection to this Bundy thing. And race.

[Direct quote time, dear reader]

No one had a problem when Eric Holder and other black panther supports occupied a dean’s office at Columbia and rechristened it the “Malcolm X” lounge but that’s exactly what he did.

And now I will close with another non sequitur, blaming all this Bundy nonsense on the federal government (which is really us, etc.), applying the DARVO defense.

[Another direct quote]

I don’t necessarily support armed men showing up but when the federal government behaves tyrannically this is what winds up happening. The better policy would be to let people use the federal land and sell it off so that it won’t burn off!

Now. where’d I put that bottle opener?

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2 comments

  1. you would have more credibility if you knew what you were talking about. The land laws are not the issue as much as the natural laws. I hate being a reductionist but the gene pool is getting thin. Patriotism can work both ways but a bullet can only travel in the direction it is pointed.

    1. If I knew WTF you were talking about, I could devise an argument. In one comment, you bring up natural law, genetics and basic physics. Where to begin?

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