[EDITOR”S NOTE: Award Winning Journalist™ Chuck C. Johnson has broken GotNewsDotCom’s month-long silence with this “bombshell” about Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) allegedly having affairs with two lobbyists, whom Johnson names. It’s such a big, breaking bombshell that it was already news six years ago, as in 2010 six years ago. Isn’t it cute how Johnson acts like he’s got a big scoop? Also, in the following version of his story, we use the word “allegedly,” because that’s what actual journalists do when they report things that have not been proved to be factual. Johnson, on the other hand, does not use the word in his report.]
US Senator Marco Rubio has allegedly carried on at least two extramarital affairs since his positronic brain was programmed for politics, GotNewsDotCom has learned.
In fact, we knew about all this months ago, but waited until just now to release this spine-tingling information — which many people apparently already know — because Rubio will speak at CPAC very soon. Our BOMBSHELL of a story will no doubt bring Rubio to his knees in short order, clearing the way for The One (Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Alberta)) to seize the Republican nomination.
GotNewsDotCom’s sources in Tallahassee and DC confirm what other media have already reported, but we are labeling it “breaking” because it sounds cool and we hope our readers don’t read any other political blogs like, say The Daily Caller or the Political Insider, that have already reported these rumors last year.
Ignore them!! This is totally breaking, people! A bombshell! A deal breaker!
They, like, traveled together to the same places, several times even. Yet, somehow this six-year-old news has not affected Rubio’s winning third-place showing in the GOP primaries one bit.
Members of Jeb Bush and Charlie Crist’s campaign staffs confirmed that they had looked into the Rubio-Stoner connection. [They didn’t say they had found anything, though.] And another journalist said Stoner threatened him with a libel suit if he pursued his investigation further.
And yet here we at GotNewsDotCom are saying it’s totally a fact.
GOP sources with of course no axe to grind read an email from Stoner to Rubio over the phone to GotNewDotCom, so we know it’s totally legit, and this email sounds like he dumped her once he became speaker of the Florida house.
Also, he’s allegedly had another affair with another lobbyist, Dana Hudson, who according to two other lobbyists in DC has been bragging about having sex with the senator. We are surprised his programming allows such activities, but maybe he’s like Data and is fully functional.
Hudson is an enthusiastic supporter of Rubio, according to this one from January and other reports we found while googling tonight.
She’s even planned lunches for him, and gone to his events. Clearly, they must be banging each other.
There are also reports that Rubio has gone to topless bars, and hung out with lobbyists at some apartment where there were cigars, drinks and single ladies.
We have even more unsubstantiated innuendos and rumors to report, but we want even more sources who will accept payment for their juicy information, which we are sure will be equally as reliable as emails read over the telephone.
GotNewsDotCom is offering a $10,000 bounty to any woman or other source to come forward and spill the beans on Rubio.
Since we don’t actually have $10,000 (we blew all our cash on a trip to Australia), if you would like to donate to our cause, we accept PayPal and Bitcoin and cash in brown paper bags left under the bench in the park. The one by the big tree.
Also, we’re also planning to compensate former lovers of Rubio with a crowd funding project, because they’ll be even more reliable sources if they can make some money off their allegations.
GotNewsDotCom reached out to Amber Stoner and Dana Hudson, but they both slapped our hands away and threatened to call the cops. We’ll have more information (or rumors) when we here moar.
BTW, did you here the one about Kevin McCarthy and Renee Elmers? That one never gets old.
[EDITOR: Just to show we’re not kidding here (or hear), we have excerpted the closing paragraphs of Johnson’s spine-tingling, un-spell-checked blog post as matter of factual accuracy.]
[And now we have to reset the GotNewsDotCom breaking news clock.]