[EDITOR’S NOTE: Hot on the heels of the pushing incident involving an associate of Donald Trump and Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields, Award Winning Journalist™ and Internet troll Chuck C. Johnson published a misogynist, juvenile diatribe blaming Fields (the victim here) for the entire incident. We have translated it for your perusal.]
Full disclosure: I’m a supporter of Ted Cruz, The One. If I had the chance, I would worship at his altar. I’ve even bet on him winning the election and the primary, in that order, which shows you how clever I am. But I am not going to allow a serial liar* control the discussion about what happened. Nyah nyah nyah.
* EDITOR’S NOTE: As it may be hard to follow Chuck’s disjointed train of invective here, we’ll point out that the serial liar being referenced is not Ted Cruz, who was not even present at the Trump rally in question. Well, as far as we know, anyway.
Sometimes you can tell a story is fake really quick, but that’s never stopped us from publishing them before. Sometimes you can tell a reporter is a fraud even faster, especially when they repeatedly insist they are not a blogger but an Award Winning Journalist™.
Last month Breitbart’s Michelle Fields said I hacked her computer when all I did was call her number that she didn’t know I had, instead of using LinkedIn to respond to a LinkedIn request like normal people would do. For some weird reason, she got angry, and accused me — who would never ever obtain private information about anyone, much less publish it — of a federal crime. Then I got angry because she wouldn’t correct her tweet about it, so I called her bosses and forced her to do it. Because I am an alpha male. Hunh!
So, I hates her now. Even if she is hot, but not hot enough for me to hack her computer.
(Not that I would ever. Anyway, I know people who could do it for me.)
Anyway, I’m here now to explain why I, as an impartial observer and pot-stirrer, think Michelle Fields could not possibly have been manhandled by a Trump associate, despite all the evidence indicating she was.
Because of that LinkedIn thing, and some other stuff, too. Like, she’s a girl.
Several months ago I published a story about how former congressman Allen West had allegedly sexually assaulted her by an elevator. She said he wanted to be a source, then she didn’t, then she did, then she didn’t. Typical girl, couldn’t make up her mind. So finally I said fuck it, and published the story with her as a source, because why not? She’s just a girl, after all.
Well, she freaked out, and called again and again, so being the tough alpha male that I am (hunh!) I put a crappy update on the story, just to shut her up.
I wouldn’t want to make life difficult for a victim, after all. Only fake ones, then I publish their names and contact info on line, and suggest they are serial liars who can’t keep their legs closed.
Here’s another important thing to do now about Fields. She’s even more lazy than I am, even though she goes to events and I try to hire someone to do it for me. She was fired from the Daily Caller for not doing work, unlike me, who left the Daily Caller because I totally wanted to. Also Breitbart. And other places. So I could buuild a media empire on my own.
Speaking of the Daily Caller, the senior editor Jamie Weinstein is Fields’ sometime boyfriend.
DIRECT QUOTE TIME:
Weinstein and Fields are a wannabe DC power couple, not at all like me, a wannabe media mogul and Person of
Interest Importance. He brings in the money, and she brings in the hotness. Both of them aspire to rise above their New Media station, but as with me, it hasn’t happened yet. But I’m better, because
At least I don’t work for the Daily beast, y’know?
Well, the whole purpose of this article is to talk about the Corey Lewandowski-Michelle Fields dust up, so I suppose it’s about time I got around to it, instead of burying the lede even further.
Here’s why I think she’s lying.
She wears high heels when she goes out reporting. Stupid! I never wear high heels. Nor do I go out reporting much, but you know what I mean. How do girls stand up in those things? I think they wear them to get attention.
So, she was just asking to fall down.
Then I have some questions for her, in this, her moment in the spotlight.
Why didn’t she ask questions of Trump during the 40-minute press conference? Everyone knows reporters never ask questions afterward. I never have.
Why was she still in the reporter’s containment area that the Secret Service was already clearing? High heels slowed her down?
Why did she ask Lewandowski if he tugged her arm when she says she didn’t see who tugged her arm? Why didn’t she ask someone else when she didn’t know who tugged her arm? I mean, really.
Why did she immediately talk about it to her boyfriend and another news outlet, and not her superiors? If it were me, I’d call my boss and bitch a blue moon, then tell my boyfriend. I mean, girlfriend. I mean, Hot Asian Wife.
Why did the first tweet about the incident come from her boyfriend, Weinstein? Was he there? Why would he care after all? She’s just a girl.
And why did he call Trump’s people “thugs”? They’re all white. Tsk Tsk Jamie.
Why does no video of this encounter exist?
[EDITOR: There is. There’s even a transcript of her conversation about the pushing inccident with another reporter. So we wonder how Chuck will handle this next statement.]
DIRECT QUOTE TIME:
In case you missed it, here’s that donate link again. Send money so we can pay for a non-existent video that actually exists.
We’ve reached out to Michelle Fields, but she just slapped our hands away and threatened to call the cops. If we get a response from her, we’ll be sure to bury it somewhere in the backyard.
We’re dealing with the frontrunner for president here, people. Every precaution should be taken to protect him from hot girl reporters who have questions. Who knows what could happen?