BREAKING: Ben Shapiro is a meanie and a Trump-hater, so I hates him #GrabGate

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Mom! Ben's being mean!
Mom! Ben’s being mean!
In his every continuing efforts to alienate just about everyone on the planet, Award Winning Journalist™ and professional innuendist Chuck C. Johnson is attempting to smear his former friend, Ben Shapiro, late of Breitbart News.

As best as we at GotNwes can determine, Johnson’s laser-hate-beam focus on Shapiro results from three horrible, terrible things that Shapiro has done — not even allegedly done — but done, publicly. We will now share those three things with you.

  • He defended his fellow Breitbartian, Michelle Fields, against some nasty shit being said by others — like Chuck C. Johnson.
  • He called Johnson’s discredited website, GotNewsDotCom, a “discredited website.”
  • He resigned from Breitbart News, thereby disgracing the legacy of Andrew Breitbart (pbuh), who once ate a chicken burrito with Chuck C. Johnson before he died.

Rather than attempt a parody of Johnson’s latest screed, GotNwes will just hit the highlights. The words in bold are taken directly from Johnson’s blog. Our paraphrases and commentary are in regular type.

Ben Shapiro

  • is corrupted
  • crossed a legal line
  • switched from pro-Trump to anti-Trump
  • now shilling against Trump
  • referred to GotNewsDotCom as a “discredited website
  • called Breitbart News Trump’s Pravda
  • may have been paid to write pro-Ukrainian government pieces
  • criticizes Breitbart’s organization
  • nearly fired from Breitbart News
  • harming all of us researching Chuck Hagel’s ties to Hamas and vetting all candidates (except Cruz, it seems) for president
  • he has a conflict of interest — money from Cruz supporters for The Daily Wire
  • playing anti-Semitic card against Trump’s anti-Semitic supporters — no fair! Trump has a Jewish daughter and all that!
  • could lose his bar license

Johnson has previously written hit pieces about Michelle Fields, who as best as we can determine done these horrible, terrible things that are offensive to Chuck C. Johnson.

  • She persists in being female.
  • She says a Trump operative shoved her hard, leaving bruises on her left arm.
  • Worse yet, she talked about it to other reporters, and even more shocking, her boyfriend.

Johnson has claimed that Fields, a former employee of Allen West, agreed to be a source for his piece accusing West of sexual harassment, then changed her mind — more than once. He might be sore about that, too. But mostly we think the three points above are the main source of his ire.

Here’s what he says about her in the Shapiro piece. Yes, we said Shapiro.

Michelle Fields

  • known fabulist
  • disgraced, repeatedly fired
  • lying
  • being investigated by the Jupiter police department for filing a fake police report — a felony that could cost Shapiro his bar license. Yes, he said Shapiro. Don’t ask why.

We will note as a matter of record that Johnson offers no evidence for the last accusation. It’s his assertion, not ours, counsel.

Another member of Johnson’s Rogues Gallery is McKay Cobbins of BuzzFeed, who Johnson claims used information Johnson passed onto him without attribution or credit to Johnson. Bad, McKay, bad!

Here’s what he says about Cobbins, in a piece about Shapiro:

  • cat pornographer
  • lazy reporter

It’s wonder Johnson didn’t add a few zingers against Dana Loesch and Holly Hobby Lobby, too.

Finally, no Johnson blog would be complete without at least one attempt to solicit donations. This one contains two!

Here is a screencap, because you’d think we made it up otherwise. Just before begging for money, he brags he’s bet money on a losing horse. Way to inspire confidence among the donors!

Also, he owns property in the Everglades!
Also, he owns property in the Everglades!

In keeping with his expressed purpose in life of having other people do his legwork whenever possible, he offers “bounties” for information, and then once again begs for donations. So, you informants might need to wait on those bounties till the ol’ pocketbook is full up again.

We'll hand out money, as soon as we get some!
We’ll hand out money, as soon as we get some!

Oh, yeah. Johnson says he and Shapiro used to be best buds. We have reached out* to Shapiro to get his comment and as soon as we hear back, we’ll sure to bury his reply in the backyard.

————
* That is, we stretched our hand out in the general direction of his last known whereabouts and asked, “Ben, you there?”

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