Belated retrospective: one+ year of GotNwes.com

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Artist's conception of GotNewsDotCom
Artist’s conception of GotNewsDotCom
Our one-year anniversary quietly slipped by us as we were vacationing, so we missed the blogger’s traditional one-year retrospective deadline. Better late than never.

We have been in business — not that we make much money at all doing this — since December 27, 2015, when in a fit of boredom we decided to create a parody of the infamous GotNewsDotCom blog edited and largely written by the infamous Chuck C. Johnson.

At the time, Johnson was tearing up Twitter, and getting suspended, until finally over the Memorial Day weekend, Twitter kicked him off entirely. His further misadventures have included filing an unsuccessful libel/defamation suit against Gawker Media, almost being forced to reveal his source for anti-abortion videos that were supposedly under judicial seal, getting “interviewed” and escorted off the premises by Capitol Police, and repeatedly denying that he ever took a dump on the floor of a college dorm or ever had intimate relations with livestock.

It’s hard to parody a rap sheet like that, but we try. Low-hanging fruit, y’know?

Using WordPress statistics, we’ve pulled together the top ten GotNwes posts about the Award Winning Journalist™ Chuck C. Johnson.

#1: Blogger and writer Milo Yiannapoulos interviews CCJ, the introduction (5/29/2015)

Hot on the heels of Johnson being kicked off Twitter, Milo interviewed a very agitated Johnson over a video link. The wide-ranging interview — mostly monologues by Johnson — covered Twitter, Gawker, his childhood, his dull college life, his association with Andrew Breitbart, the floor-shitting rumor, gay Obama, the N-word and why it’s OK, race and IQ, Gamergate, and his vision for a media empire that would wipe mainstream media off the face of the earth.

Milo’s expressions during the lengthy interview were quite entertaining, too.

Milo's wishing we could just get to the money shot quick like
Milo’s wishing we could just get to the money shot quick like

Our introduction covered the first 15 minutes or so, during which Johnson defended his use of the “vernacular, the kinda fun edgy” way of saying he wanted people to dox activist DeRay McKesson — his words were “taking out” McKesson — which resulted in his banishment from Twitter.

He also bragged about his journalism credentials (working at several places and leaving them), explained his intentions to be a taboo-breaking provocateur, and denied he took a dump on a dormitory floor.

How many journalists can say that, we ask you?

#2 The “world” celebrates the “censorship” of metaphor “journalist” CCJ (5/26/2015)

They don't like me, that's why
They don’t like me, that’s why

A few days prior to the Milo interview, Johnson took to his blog to whinge about his Twitter banishment, claiming that he was being censored because of his creative use of a “metaphor.”

In his screed, the editor of GotNewsDotCom (Johnson) apparently interviewed the Twitter victim Johnson. At least, it sounded that way, for a while, then the POV switched to first person.

GotNewsDotCom’s editor-in-thief Charles C. Johnson appears to have been banned from Twitter permanently for using the metaphor phrasal verb “take out.”

In an interview with himself, Johnson said he was referring to doing an exposé on @DeRay McKesson, a radical activist with ties to Black Nationalist organizations … and Twitter, and CNN, and the Washington Post … and not referring to taking out DeRay as in killing him, or worse yet, as in going out with him on a date. Eww!

Not content to censor just Johnson’s @ChuckCJohnson account and the two others he created in a last minute, desperate grasp to maintain his Twitter lifeline, the service has also banned GotnewsDotcom’s twitter feed as well, in a first ever mass censorship of one person. Except maybe for Todd Kincannon.

He took the opportunity to complain about all the mean things journalists say about him, and predictably to ask for donations to support his blog.

#3 The Milo interview, part 2 (5/29/2015)

For some weird reason, part 1 got fewer hits than part 2. We don’t know why, and if we were really emo, we’d probably write a long whinge-fest about how people don’t appreciate our hard work and lengthy journalistic credentials, then go sulk somewhere with a bottle of Jack. But those lengthy journalistic credentials taught us nobody really likes journalists anyway, so get over it, buddy.

Plus, we have a day job, so it’s not like we really care.

Getting back to the interview, in this segment, the still frenetic Johnson rambles on, offering his explanations why people don’t really like him much (he’s a jerk, he’s autistic, he’s a ginger), how he gamed Twitter’s algorithm (and got booted off it), his outsider status, and why he believes Obama is gay, but that it’s totally OK to be gay.

[ICYMI, Milo is gay.]

I'm a chess player, you know.
I’m a chess player, you know.
Then Milo asked him why he threatens to sue people, but hardly ever gets around to it.

{SPOILER ALERT} The answer is in part 3, but we’ll tell you here. It’s all part of his strategy. Also, he was bullied when he was younger. He has a year to file, anyway.

{SPOILER ALERT 2} Well, he did in fact file against Gawker. And, he essentially lost the case. That was also part of his strategy.

#4 Our expose of the GotNewsDotCom coercion business model (May 22, 2015)

Do what I want or my thousands of readers will know the truth!
Do what I want or my thousands of readers will know the truth!

Quoting the original story, which ran a few days before Johnson lost his Twitter access forever.

Here’s how Award Winning Journalism works.

  • Target someone in the news, especially a victim of a crime or a well known person.
  • Get some dirt on them. If it’s of a sexual nature, so much the better.
  • Tweet that you have dirt on Person X and will publish it unless X does something first.
  • Carefully word the tweet so as to include the general idea of the dirt.
  • Wait for a reaction.

In the old days, this was called coercion, which is, you know, kinda illegal and certainly unethical. Strangely though, Twitter lets users like @ChuckCJohnson get away with it. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Three days after this post, he lost his access. If we were like Johnson, we’d take credit for it, but we know better.]

Yesterday Johnson was in full swing, dealing with the burning issues of the latest news cycle: the “mattress girl” of Columbia University, the revelation that Josh Duggar as a teenager had molested five younger girls, and the release of AdultFriendFinder.com’s users’ emails and private information.

This modus operandi continues to the present day, even without Twitter access. Johnson continues to publish rumors and innuendos about the personal lives of people he doesn’t especially care for, like rape victims, victims of police shootings, and political opponents of his hero, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Alberta), and now that Cruz will likely never be president, Donald Trump (R?-Trump). He’s even helped develop a search engine for the Ashley Madison customer accounts dump, so people can find out who’s been trying to get some nookie on the side.

#5 Johnson’s bizarre screed about Dylann Roof and racism (July 3, 2015)

GotNewsDotCom, the cornerstone of Johnson’s burgeoning “media empire,” went silent for 27 days. Then, he erupted with a long “analysis” about the Charleston, SC, shooting (days after the event, we might add) and “why Dylann Roof shot nine black church goers in Charleston, SC, why suddenly lots of people hate the Confederate flag, how Roof’s mass murders has something to do with rape culture, and somehow, how it’s all the fault of Obama and progressives.”

We published our translation into regular English of the screed but it got fewer hits than this short intro.

We’ll get over it.

Coming up, the rest of the top ten.

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