ANALYSISIS: The deal Donald Trump and Ted Cruz should cut to tank save America

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[In which we translate Chuck Johnson’s latest attempt at incisive political commentary.]

He'll be a graveyard smash at the White House Halloween party!
He’ll be a graveyard smash at the White House Halloween party!

Some friends (in my head) asked me to write an analysis of what I think should happen. About something. I don’t think this is likely to happen. But I wrote something anyway, so let’s call it an analysis.

The memo was sent around.

I was not included in the memo recipients, but I think it said something like this.

Recommendation:

Oh God NO!
Oh God NO!
Ted Cruz should cut a deal to become vice president and work to pack the courts with right-wing judges, and convince Trump to give me a job in his administration.

Full disclosure:
I bet money on Cruz winning the nomination. If he wins, I get $250,000. If he loses, I skip the country so I don’t get my legs broken — or worse. Meanwhile, I’ve spent $125,000 on oppo projects to help Cruz, but strangely no one at Cruz HQ is returning my calls. No idea why. I’d make a lot of money if Cruz were nominated, but I don’t think it’s best for his long term political future.

REasoning and anaylsis:
Cruz is 45. Trump is 69. Cruz has a 1 in 5 shot of becoming presidnet if Trump died or left office. He’d have a 33% chance of becoming president one day. Or 20%. Something like that. Even if Trump served 8 years, and another president served 8 years after that, Cruz would still be younger than Trump is now. IOW if he were vice president he’d stand a better chance of becoming president than he does now. Slim chances, but it’s better than nothing, like he has now.

Cruz looks presidential by talking about the judiciary. He never mentions shutting down the government. He was born in Canada. But if Trump makes him vice president no one will talk about his Canadian birth ever again, just like everyone gave up talking about Obama being Kenyan after 2008.

The Cruz brand is suffering. Also no one really likes him. Except me.

His Establishment supporters are setting him up for a fall. But he can avoid all that by not running for the nomination. That’ll fix ’em!

There’s no stopping Trump. I tried to push a massive opposition research outfit, but no one listened. Now it is too late.

Cruz should give up running for pastor of the USA. It’s economics stupid. Immigrants are bad, except Cruz. Also facebook and Twitter hate conservatives. Russia. Canada. Brexit. He needs better advisors.

No Democrats are going to vote to Cruz. Forget it. They’re going over to Trump, because he doesn’t talk social issues like gay sex and abortion and religion. Cruz talks guns and religion, and it’s not working. Even Evangelicals don’t care anymore. Or maybe they just don’t like him.

Cops like Trump more than Cruz. So, there you have it.

Why Trump should pick Cruz:

  1. I say so.
  2. Cruz has money.
  3. Cruz has government experience. Also experience in shutting down government.
  4. Cruz and Trump avoid both losing the nomination, and they can lose the election together.
  5. Trump needs a non-Establishment player. Sanders is busy.
  6. Cruz as Trump’s VP would shut the NRO up. Thank God.

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