WE DID IT! Our fearsome mind control powers have freed Corey Lewandowski!

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We used telepathy!
We used telepathy!
Not that we’ve ever said this before — except for those two or three other times — GotNewsDotCom has influenced the course of human events by our sheer hatred and outrage that anyone would disagree with us.

Corey Lewandowski will be not be charged [EDITORS NOTE: Except he was.] — I mean, prosecuted in the battery case that Michelle Fields (who I hate with the heat of a thousand suns) used to inject herself in national affairs. Not that we would ever do that, ourselves — except for those other times.

For the moment, we will ignore the fact that our top notch sources in law enforcement failed us, because Politico got the scoop, but the state attorney for Palm Beach County will not prosecute Lewandowski. A press conference is scheduled for Thursday, during which State Attorney David Aronberg will tell the world GotNewsDotCom freed Lewandowski.

GotNewsDotCom has been working behind the scenes bugging the shit out of people with our careful analysis of pixel size and camera angles and expert medical advice from a salesman to help Lewandowski’s lawyer, Kendall Coffey, free him. [EDITORS NOTE: Except Lewandowski was never jailed. And Coffey is not Aronberg.] Well, whatever.

But it’s not over. Fields says she will sue Lewandowski for defamation.

Seriously. This bitch is crazy … she ought to sue Chuck C. Johnson. Wait. I didn’t say that. …

If you like the kind of work we do, please support it. If you don’t, we’ll doxx you and the dust bunnies under your sofa, too.

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NOTE: By way of explanation, Award Winning Journalist™ and telepath Chuck C. Johnson boasted on his blog, “We did it!” taking credit (as he is prone to do) for something happening after he coincidentally reported on it. As he is also prone to do, he got a couple of facts wrong. Lewandowski was in fact charged by the Jupiter, FL, police for simple assault and battery. He will not be prosecuted on those charges. There is no need to free him, because he was never jailed. Providing evidence to the defense lawyer would not have affected the prosecutor’s decision, because the prosecutor would have never seen it until a trial.

We also note for the record that a guy who is supposedly banned from Twitter — and who predicts that Twitter is doomed to fail — somehow manages embeds at least four or five tweets in each blog post, using them to replace the sites they refer to.

Speaking of Twitter, he has published yet another article attacking Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. It’s another of Chuck Johnson’s obsessions.

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