‘Freeze peach’? YOU LIARS! An OPEN LETTER TO $TWTR’s Co-CEOs @Jack & @DeRay

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I wanna belong to your club, too! You guys are mean!
I wanna belong to your club, too! You guys are mean!
[In which Award Winning Journalist™ and quasi-professional whiner Chuck C. Johnson whines some more about being banned from Twitter for an entire year now.]

Dear Jack and DeRay,

You guys suck!

I write this letter to you two because I sure can’t tweet you anymore, not since I said I wanted to take you out, DeRay, a whole fucking year ago! You guys said at ReCode that you supported free speech. Hahaha! As if. What ever happened to my free speech on Twitter. Gone! Just because I made a threat to take out someone I didn’t like, and was suspended several times before for other infractions of the TOC doesn’t mean I should be banned forever.

How are people going to find out about fake rapes, the non-criminal non-records of black guys shot dead by cops, and the addresses and phone numbers of carriers of dangerous diseases, without me being on Twitter? How are they going to know I hate Muslims, and want to burn Korans, and think Michelle Fields and Megyn Kelly are liars, and blacks and Mexicans are stupider that whites and Asians?

How, tell me how, guys?

You need to let me back on Twitter, so I can once again offend people and stir up trouble, and coincidentally drive people to my blog and my new venture, LeechSearchr, for the clicks. Now. Right now. I’m going to hold my breath until you say yes.

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Ooooohhh! That’s hard. Only lasted a minute.

OK, if you don’t let me back on, I’ll write more stories and more rambling, half-drunken YouTube videos discrediting you two and saying Twitter is going under, so short the stock. (Of course, we all know I’ll keep doing it even after you let me back on, but let’s just pretend. OK?)

waahhh

Sincerely yours,
Chuck C. Johnson,
Award Winning Journalist™

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