[In which Chuck C. Johnson once again brags he has spies and sources everywhere, and once again uses tweets as evidence.]
The Mexican government has been fomenting anti-Trump riots in the U.S., according to our highly placed, unimpeachable source with a Twitter account who communes with the multiverse. Mexico is trying to affect the election process.
[Direct quote time, lalala!]
All you people in the cities of the Western states! Circle the wagons! The Messicans are coming!
Wake up, sheeple! All those Mexicans in the USA send home $25 billion every year. They don’t want Trump building a wall, so the best way to stop him is to start fights outside his rallies. There can be no other reason for those violent incidents in San Diego, San Jose and others too numerous to remember.
And speaking of Mexico, how dare they travel back in time and annex Indiana just before Judge Gonzalo Curiel was born, just so he could be a Mexican like Trump says he is! Curiel’s connections to Mexico are so tight he should recuse himself from the Trump University fraud case, even though the case has nothing to do with immigration or Mexico.
(GotNwes hates frauds, as we have often said, and clearly something is not right with Trump University. But we like Trump, so he’s innocent. Got it? Good. Now shut up.)
Meanwhile, our anti-American media are helping those evil Mexicans by pointing out Trump’s anti-Mexican statements and reminding everyone the wall is impossible to build. They should just toe the line and kiss his ass like I’m doing right now, hoping for a job, or at least a re-tweet.
Carlos Slim, who’s from Mexico, owns The New York Times, and also Hillary Clinton once gave Slim an award, so you know he’s totally going to attack Trump by printing what Trump says and reporting what happens at those rallies, like Trump supporters pepper-spraying the opposition.
GotNwes is on this case. As soon as we get more intelligence reports from our secret correspondent on Twitter (photo above), we’ll fill you in. Meanwhile, send money. We just dropped 12 grand on our Nick Denton sex tape project, and the Hot Asian Wife is a bit peeved.