Chuck Johnson dons plastic gloves, deeply probes Obama’s first book draft for DNA ‘evidence,’ misspellings

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I'll find that hidden DNA with my magic ring here!
I’ll find that hidden DNA with my magic ring here!

As Barack Obama nears the end of his second and last term as president, what better time is there to try to discredit him, so he can’t run for office again?

Well, Award Winning Journalist™ and junior CSI Chuck C. Johnson says it’s never too late to battle “Obamaism,” that national personality cult that has brought the USA to its knees under the current liberal-atheist-Muslim-socialist dictatorship under which we all now suffer.

Under overwhelming odds, and while avoiding the sinister Obama Secret Police, Johnson spent several thousand dollars (of other people’s money) for what he claims is the first draft of Obama’s memoir, Dreams from My Father. And he says he bought it from Barack Obama’s half-brother, Malik! Totally believable!

He’s going to “scan” the pages for DNA (hence the plastic gloves and clean-room-like sterile conditions), in hopes of proving Obama’s father was not really Barack Obama Sr., but Frank Davis.

Stop laughing. This is serious scientific stuff.

Also, too, he’s going to analyze the writing style and the handwriting on the sticky notes to see if Obama really wrote this book, or if it was a ghostwriter who, like, interviewed Obama or something. Johnson is also puzzled why some words are crossed out. Something sinister must have gone on there, fer sure, it being a first draft and all.

If you watch the video (below), note that crack CSI Johnson breathes all over the pages, and at one point drops the manuscript on the floor. Oops! However, he assures us he has absolutely no African or Middle Eastern DNA to muddy the waters (so to speak), and he’s never pooped on the floor anywhere, so it’s all OK.

As connoisseurs of police procedurals and the occasional documentary by Dr Alice Roberts, we’ll note in passing that the chances of getting any useful DNA off paper that’s been stored and handled in less than sterile conditions for two decades are slim to none. But hey, Chuck, go ahead and spend other people’s WeSearchr donations on a wild goose chase. It’ll be good for a laugh or two.

Here’s part of the WeSearchr page advertising the “bounty” for the publication of this exposé of the century.

Order now, and you'll get a 4-piece set of chamois towels, free! Just $49.99 S/H
Order now, and you’ll get a 4-piece set of chamois towels, free! Just $49.99 S/H

[UPDATE 7/1/2016: WeSearchr has apparently reached its funding goal of $7,500 and Johnson says they will now proceed to publish the draft, which we note has already been published in its final form with a copyright and everything. We expect Random House just may have something to say about unauthorized publication of a book they own the publication rights to.]

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